


Homesick

by pgay_starstorm



Category: Mother 2: Gyiyg no Gyakushuu | EarthBound
Genre: Angst, Crying, Earthbound - Freeform, F/M, Gen, Teamwork, being friends!, jefftony - Freeform, mmm idk what else to put here it gets sad is my point, nesspaula - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 03:58:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7084753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pgay_starstorm/pseuds/pgay_starstorm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Earthbound– mid-game. Ness realizes he is the only member of the chosen four who talks about feeling homesick and opens a conversation about home. Each member discusses their home situation and they all love on each other a lot. Lots of jokes and sweet stuff, a ton of crying and hugging.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Homesick

Ness woke midday, and for a few minutes he kept his eyes closed and tried to convince himself he was at home. He made himself think of the smell of his house on a Saturday morning— bacon and a candle that was technically for Christmastime that his mom burned all year anyway. He squeezed his eyes shut and imaged the sound of her humming along to the radio downstairs, or the soft sound of her voice buzzing through the walls as she talked to his dad on the phone while she cooked. He tried to imagine listening to Tracy laughing at the Saturday morning cartoons on the couch that sat in the living room right below his bed, the click-clack of his mother’s heels on hardwood as she climbed the stairs to his room. His door creaking open, and her voice. He hadn’t talked to her since midway through the week, it was Saturday now, and when he thought of her voice it made his stomach hurt. 

He could feel himself getting sad and the imaginary Saturday was getting blue around the edges, so he reluctantly opened his eyes. He turned his head to look for Paula, but she wasn’t in bed. He propped himself up on his elbows and looked around. Nobody was in the hotel room at all. He was by himself. He groggily wondered what time it was. His shoulders and arms hurt and it was _humid_ in the hotel room. He kicked off the covers and let them fall to the floor.

The door unlocked and swung open and Paula walked in with her frying pan on her shoulder, humming to herself. She was wearing swimming goggles on top of her wet hair, a swimsuit, and one of his shirts as a coverup, the one with the sleeves cut off and a steak sauce stain on the front, but she wore it with the same posture that she wore her sunday clothes. Suddenly, as if seeing her for the first time, Ness noticed the shape of her hands and how long her they were as she locked the door behind her, how willowy and tall she was, how soft the shape of her cheek was, and how flushed with sun and suddenly, oh god, he felt like he was melting into the bed.

When she turned and saw him, she grinned. The corners of her eyes crinkled and he felt like someone had tackled him. “Ness! You’re awake,” she said. He tried to shake away all those mushy gushy feelings. Paula was his _friend_.

“Is it hot in here?” he asked.

She nodded. “Lands, yes. It’s, like, a billion and a half degrees in here.”

Ness looked at the sun coming in through the window. “What time is it?”

“It’s almost noon,” Poo answered sourly as he walked in from the bathroom, a towel curled up on top of his head, wearing a puffy pink robe. “I’m glad to see you decided to join us in the world of the living.” His mouth was pulled down in a taut little frown. Ness stared, feeling the negativity rolling off of them.

Paula rolled her eyes and dropped her pan by her bag. “Ignore them, they’re in a mood.”

Ness twisted his mouth up to the side sympathetically and sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “‘msorry. Do you wanna talk about it, dude?”

“Dude,” Poo echoed, in his voice. Man, that Mirror ability was something else. 

“My buddy. My pal. Amigo,” Ness continued awkwardly. “Sorry, I can not call you dude.”

Poo shrugged, shook their head and sat down on the bed.

“We sparred with PSI this morning and they’re mad because they _lost_ ,” Paula said with a snide little smile, and Poo crossed their arms. 

“Maybe I’d be in a better mood if you could stop gloating for half a second, Paula Elizabeth Polestar,” Poo grumbled. 

Paula just peeled her googles off of her head and shrugged loftily. “What can I say, it feels good to be a winner.”

Poo made a face at Paula and Paula made one back, and for a second Ness marveled at the fact that Poo was making _faces_. That was a good sign. He could tell every day Poo was getting a little more comfortable with them. That… that made Ness feel really, really good. He wanted nothing more than for everyone to feel comfortable.

“Wait, no!” Ness whined. “I missed sparring?! Guys, you gotta wake me up when you do things, we’ve talked about this!”

“We tried,” Paula said. “You sleep like a rock, Ness. A dead rock.”

At the same time, Poo added, “You _could_ wake up before noon.”

“I could,” Ness replied, nodding. He paused, then added, shaking his head, “But I don’t wanna.”

Poo chuckled and unwound the towel from their hair. The towel neatly folded itself and floated across the room to the towel rack. They started to try to brush their hair, flipping it over their head. Paula paused, resting her hands on her hips. She looked over at Ness and nodded her head in Poo’s direction in a “get a load of this” sort of a way. Ness just looked cluelessly between them. He had no idea what was happening.

“You’re not really gonna do your own hair out of spite, are you, Poo?” she asked.

“Maybe I am,” they said.

“C’mon, let me do it,” Paula said, climbing onto the bed with Poo. 

Poo just kept brushing his hair. 

Paula slumped. “Lands. Poo. Do not do this.”

Poo ignored her. 

“Gosh,” she mumbled, rolling her eyes again.

“Gosh,” he mimicked in her voice.

She just opened her mouth and looked offended. Ness caught Poo grinning before they stopped themselves. He wished they wouldn’t.

“Hey, where’s Jeff?” Ness asked, looking over at the desk in the corner. It was totally covered in scrap metal bits and tools, but Jeff was not asleep at it, as he usually was.

“I think he was going to get ice,” Poo said, his voice muffled. “But… that was a while ago. Maybe he got distracted.”

“He wasn’t at the beach,” Paula added.

“No, he told me he’s staying in the air conditioning today.” Poo replied.

“If you can call it that,” Paula said, fanning herself. It _was_ hot.

“Maybe he had to call his… boyfriend,” Ness said, barely holding down giggles. Paula grinned and covered her mouth with her hands and Poo looked at him, parting his hair, a grin spreading across his face.

“Oooooh,” Paula said, giggling and twiddling her fingers. “You’d better not let him hear you say that.”

“Somewhere in Winters Tony just got very giddy and he doesn’t know why.” Poo remarked with a snort. Ness laughed and nodded. “He’s _not_ my boyfriend,” Poo said, echoing Jeff’s voice exactly, and Ness snickered. 

“Y’all leave him alone,” Paula said, but she was laughing.

“Totally his boyfriend,” Ness said as he fiddled with the alarm clock on the table and turned on the radio. They all chuckled a few more times and lapsed into a comfortable silence while the radio played in the background.

Poo kept trying to brush his hair for a few more minutes, but eventually gave up and handed the brush over to Paula. She gleefully took it and started brushing. Poo sat with his back to her and closed his eyes. After a little while a halo grew around his head and Ness realized he was meditating. Paula hummed along to the song on the radio. Ness watched her and thought about how pretty she was, like a peachy pink flower. He thought of the way her hand had felt in his when she had gripped it in the dark of the dungeon in Threed, her fingers long and her palms soft. He felt bubbly and warm. Being with Paula was like drinking a big red and blue slurpee on a hot summer day or stepping out of a cold swimming pool and feeling warm concrete under his feet.

Ness was very in touch with his feelings and didn’t tend to hide things from himself— a benefit of having a mom who always asked him how things made him felt and insisted that he answered truthfully. He knew he like-liked Paula, and he also knew he couldn’t— or shouldn’t, at least. The only person he had told so far was Jeff, in Fourside, when she was kidnapped, but that was only because he couldn’t stop crying and what was he supposed to do? He thought he might never see her again.

Jeff had just pushed his glasses up his nose and said, “Oh. Well, yes, that makes sense, I- I suppose.”

Ness didn’t know what that meant. They hadn’t talked about it again.

Ness put his cheek in his hand and, watching the rhythmic, soothing motion of the brush running through Poo’s hair, soon lapsed back into thinking of home. He wondered what his mom was doing right now. Sometimes they took walks together on Saturdays. She walked slow so Ness could keep up and let him talk the whole time. They would laugh when King would suddenly lay down before they were even past the Minchs’ house. He thought of how she would hold his hand when they crossed the street. He hadn’t held her hand to cross the street in a while, but if he was on a walk with his mom now he would. That was what moms were for, after all. 

He missed his mom so much. He missed the soft couch where he would curl up under a blanket in the light from the big front window and take a nap under the quilt his grandma had made by hand. He missed Tracy pulling at his shirt to get his attention and eating all the chocolate pudding and leaving the vanilla for him even though it made him mad. He missed eating cereal by the handful and sitting too close to the television while his mother’s knitting needles clicked behind him. He missed drinking the orange juice out of oranges with a straw and drawing in chalk on the driveway and his mom exclaiming how great his art was. It was pretty good, he thought. But she always made it feel like a masterpiece, even if all he drew was a baseball. 

He was so tired of hotels, of scratchy sheets that didn’t smell like anything the first night he slept in them and having nobody to tuck him in at night and kiss him on the head. He felt like he did when his dad missed his baseball games, except now his mom wasn’t even there to pat him on the head and tell him maybe next time.

“Ness,” Poo said, and Ness looked up, raising his eyebrows. Poo was looking at him with one eye opened and one still closed. “Are you okay?” he paused, then added, “ _Dude_.”

Paula looked at him over Poo’s shoulder and Ness tried to smile. “Oh, no, I’m fine!” he chirped. He paused, then asked, “Did you just call me dude?”

Paula opened her mouth to say something but at that moment the door handle jiggled and there was a thump on the door, like someone was kicking it. 

“Guys,” Jeff’s voice called through the door, “Er, I can’t get to my key, my hands are full, so.”

The door unlocked and opened and Ness thought he was probably the one who did it, but there was no way to be sure. Jeff walked in, his hair wet with sweat and his glasses sliding down his nose. He was carrying a box fan almost as big as he was. He pushed the door closed with his foot and waddled to the space between the beds, putting the fan down with a thump. “We have a fan now. I, I, I can’t live like this anymore.” 

“Jeff, how are we going to carry that?” Paula asked, laughing.

“I’ll carry it,” he said, shrugging and plugging it in. It started up and he sat down directly in front of it, sighing loudly and loosening his bow tie.

“Jeff,” Poo contributed flatly. “It’s the same height as you.”

Jeff just pushed his glasses up his nose. “You’re sassy today.”

“I beat him when we were sparring this morning,” Paula commented, and Poo groaned loudly, putting their face in their hands. “You’re too competitive, dear,” she added.

“ _I’m_ too competitive?!” he replied incredulously.

Jeff just laughed. He looked over at Ness and his smile dimmed. “Ness, are- are you okay?”

Ness wondered what in the world his face looked like. “I’m fine, dude,” he said. “It’s just hot in here.”

Jeff adjusted the fan so it was partially blowing on Ness. He sat back against the bed that Poo and Paula sat on and sighed heavily. “When can we get out of here?”

“I thought you liked Summers,” Poo remarked, picking up a magazine from the bedside table and flipping through it as Paula resumed brushing their hair. “ _I-I-I think I’ve had seasonal depression my whole life and, and not known it, Poo_ ,” he recited in Jeff’s voice for a moment with Jeff’s face.

“I did before I realized it’s hot _all_ the time,” Jeff replied. “And… don’t… do that.”

With the fan blowing on him, Ness was getting sleepy again. He laid back down in bed, tucking the pillow under his head and yawning. He sleepily watched the other three talk back and forth about the benefits of summer, what kind of weather was the best, and whether or not Jeff could tether the fan to his back and carry it comfortably.

“I’m not saying you can’t do it,” Paula said, shrugging her shoulders and sighing airily. “I’m just saying… you know, _should_ you.”

“Paula!” Jeff squeaked, his voice cracking. “I’m stronger than I look!”

Poo and Paula both just agreed with him.

Ness fell in and out of a sort of half-napping state, lying there with his eyes closed, listening to them talk. Their voices were comforting now. He was growing used to Jeff’s rambling nervous speech patterns, the low hum of Poo’s voice, the gentle lilt and twang of Paula’s slow and steady speech. Listening to them now, twisting in each other and overlapping, he sunk into the bed, immensely comfortable. He couldn’t hear what they were saying anymore, instead he was just listening to the patterns of their voices, feeling the atmosphere of the room change as they interacted.

He started to think of home again, but instead another thought crossed his mind.

Jeff and Poo didn’t have moms. At least Ness didn’t think they did. They had never talked about them. Poo never talked about his parents at all. Ness guessed they were probably— he didn’t want to think about that. Jeff only had his dad, and his dad was… well, to put it simply, Ness, Paula, and Poo spent a lot of time talking trash about Jeff’s dad when Jeff wasn’t in the room. They didn’t have moms, nobody to tuck them in at night and kiss them on the head and tell them that they believed in them. Even Paula, whose parents he had met in person, hardly ever talked about her parents.

That made him feel worse than any of his aching for his own home.

He opened his eyes and slowly pulled himself up in bed. Poo was reading a personality quiz out loud from the magazine and checking off Jeff’s answers. “It says you’re a spring gal with a taste for adventure.”

“It’s not wrong,” Jeff said, resting his chin in his hand.

“That sounds like you, Jeff,” Paula giggled. She was braiding Poo’s hair now.

“Hey, guys,” Ness said, hugging a pillow to his chest, “Do you all ever miss home?”

They all paused for a moment. 

Jeff started pulling on his shoes. “I can walk downstairs with you to the phone if you want.”

“No, no,” Ness said, shaking his head. “No, it was an actual question. Do you guys miss home?”

They all looked at each other, like none of them wanted to answer. Ness tucked his hands between his knees and leaned forward, waiting. For a moment Paula met his eyes, but she quickly looked away, un-braiding and re-braiding a section of Poo’s hair over and over again.

Finally, Poo broke the silence. “I do not wish to talk about this,” they said, flipping through the magazine even though Ness could tell they weren’t reading it. Straightforward as usual.

Ness started to push the issue but decided against it, mostly because he could feel Jeff’s embarrassment sizzling in the air of the room. Instead he just sat there for a few minutes and watched them all busy themselves and avoid his eyes, Poo with the magazine, Paula with Poo’s hair, and Jeff with the carpet, tracing the pattern with his finger. After some time passed, Ness told them they didn’t have to talk about it if they didn’t want to, no big deal, and excused himself to go call his mom.

 

———

 

That night, the kids wandered into the hotel room, silenced by exhaustion and smelling of sweat and dirt and soot. The only noise they made was the sound of their shoes dragging on the carpet. They stumbled around, dropping their things and peeling off their dirty clothes, pulling on fresh pajamas that felt like new skin. Ness took off his shirt and fumbled with his shorts button but when he couldn’t get it gave up and left them on. He was too tired. For some time Jeff just sat on the edge of the bed in front of the box fan with his face in his hands and didn’t move at all. Poo walked by him and healed him almost without thinking. As the purple clouds of Poo’s healing PSI floated around him, Jeff mumbled a thanks but still didn’t move. Poo only grunted in response and chugged a bottled water, gulping it down desperately, their other hand on their hip. 

Paula stood at the window with her pan in her hand, watching sleepy-eyed for aliens and bad guys, until Ness pulled her by the back of her shirt from the window and made her put down the pan. He had to pry her fingers off of the handle. She cried a little, resting her forehead on his shoulder while he patted her sharp shoulder blade and felt her fear shudder through him in waves. Paula stopped crying after a few minutes, wiped her face, and walked to the bathroom. Ness followed her, patting Jeff’s shoulder and smoothing down Poo’s braid as he went. After a moment, Poo followed, crushing the water bottle between his hands and tossing it in the garbage can. He tugged on Jeff’s sleeve to get him to move. When Jeff just shook his head, Poo scooped him up and carried him to the bathroom, setting him down gently at the sink. For once, Jeff didn’t protest being carried.

They stood in a line at the mirror and got ready for bed, Jeff fastening his headgear, Paula picking the leaves out of her hair and brushing her teeth, Ness washing the dirt and sweat from his face, and Poo wiping running kohl from under their eyes. Ness looked at his friends’ faces in the mirror, all dull-eyed and grey with exhaustion. Ness was tired enough himself, but with the added psychological burden of their individual tiredness pulling on him like weights attached to the ends of his fingers, Ness was completely drained. Jeff looked like he was going to fall asleep on the spot, cleaning his glasses on his shirt, his eyelids drooping as his thumb moved in slow circles. Paula leaned forward and spat in the sink, then looked at herself closely in the mirror, turning her face one way and then the other. Ness wondered what she was looking for. Poo clumsily fumbled with their earrings, too tired to even take them out properly. They clicked and jingled as he struggled. After a moment, Paula reached over and took them out for him, setting them carefully on the counter next to her necklace. Poo paused, then ducked their head and rested their cheek against her shoulder. Ness felt something on his elbow and turned to find Jeff wiping his elbow with a tissue and putting a band-aid on it.

“You’ve got a scrape,” Jeff rasped, lisping around his headgear. His voice was practically gone. Looking back, Ness realized Jeff had been yelling all day. “It was bleeding.”

Ness thought about healing it with PSI, but he appreciated the gesture so much that he decided not to— besides, he was running on empty. “Thanks,” he said softly. 

Jeff just gave a vague nod and wandered back into the main room. The other three followed. When Jeff started to turn toward the desk, Poo grabbed his elbow and shook their head. Jeff nodded and climbed into bed instead, lying down on top of the covers, Poo close behind. Ness and Paula both climbed into their bed. Ness curled up close to Paula, her warmth comforting where their backs touched. He ached to be cuddled and held, but didn’t say so. Somehow Paula knew, though, and after a moment she shifted in bed and draped her arm over his side, tucking her head against the back of his neck. In the light from the street lamps outside, Ness could see Poo smooth down Jeff’s hair.

They were quiet for a long time. Ness watched the minutes tick away on the clock on the table between their beds. He was exhausted, but he couldn’t sleep. He wanted to so badly. But he couldn’t. He could feel that the others were still awake too.

Thirty-five minutes passed, and Ness counted every one with the clock, feeling the weight of Paula’s arm on his side and listening to her breathing. He thought he could hear someone crying a little. The other bed creaked as Poo propped himself up on his elbow and gently patted Jeff’s back. It must be Jeff, then. Ness started to get out of bed, but as quickly as Jeff had started crying, he stopped. Poo put their head back on their pillow, but they left their hand on his back. Ness relaxed again. He closed his eyes.

“I do miss home, kinda.” Ness nearly jumped when Paula spoke. “Sometimes I miss it. Not often. And never like you do, Ness. But… a lot of the time, I think maybe… I don’t miss it very much.”

Ness turned onto his back. When he turned his head to look at her, he found their faces were much closer than he had expected. Their noses touched. Paula moved away, and Ness was grateful for the dark because his face burned. He heard the other bed creak. “What do you mean?” he asked softly.

He could feel her reluctance. Paula slowly sat up in bed, pulling her teddy bear onto her lap. “I dunno. I mean. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents, I, I do. And I know that they love me. I know that.”

“They do,” he mumbled.

“But…” she shrugged. “I dunno… Gosh, I’ve never talked to anyone about any of this, and—“ she broke off and shook her head, rubbing her eyes.

“You can talk to us about it,” Poo said, and Ness looked over to find that Poo was sitting up in bed. Jeff yawned but nodded, propping himself up on an elbow. Ness pulled himself up slightly to get a better look at her and, wincing, was quickly reminded of how sore his arms and shoulders were.

Paula put her face in her hands for a few moments, then sat up straight, took a deep breath, and clasped her hands together in her lap. “Okay. Okay. Okay, I’m gonna… okay.” She closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them and said quickly, hurrying the words out of her mouth before she lost her nerve, “Sometimes I don’t miss home very much at all and, and sometimes I’m very glad I’m here with y’all and I think, I think I could be happier maybe if I never went home.” she let that statement sit for a moment, then continued, “I mean, obviously I’m always glad to be here with y’all. I, I love y’all, y’all know that.” she bit her lip.

“We love you, too, Paula,” Poo said, just barely beating Ness to the punch. Jeff nodded quickly.

Paula smiled softly. “Thank you, Poo. Even though I beat you at sparring today?”

“Yes, despite that,” he said flatly, chuckling.

“We do love you, we love you so, so, so much, we do,” Ness said, blushing as he heard himself going on and on, but he couldn’t stop. “We, I— you’re wonderful, Paula, and—“ he finally was able to stop himself. He cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck.

Paula just grinned and gave him a soft punch on his shoulder. It hurt his aching muscles but he didn’t say so. After a moment she took a deep breath and added, “I mean, not that I _never_ miss home. Today, I saw this big, big family at the beach, and, and I thought, you know… ‘looks like my parents and the kids.’ And I missed them for a little while. I just stood there and watched the kids playing and I—“ she broke off, shook her head, and then said in a softer, lower voice, “But things at home can be… strange sometimes. Sometimes I think… they can’t ever… really… know me. So can they even… love me, completely, you know?”

“They love you, Paula,” Ness said, touching her knee.

She brushed him off and rolled her eyes. “I know that, I know that. But…” she sighed and rested her chin in her hands. “Ness, you see, you’re really lucky and I think maybe you don’t realize that. Both of your parents have PSI, right?”

Ness nodded. “Yeah.”

“And Tracy?”

Ness shrugged and made a so-so motion with his hand. “A little, every once in a while.”

“All y’all have PSI.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“See, my parents don’t have any PSI, none of the kids,” she closed her eyes and gripped her teddy bear and went on emphatically, “ _Nobody else in Twoson has PSI._ ” she sighed and rubbed her forehead. “Do you have any clue what that _feels_ like? They, they can’t understand this entire… part of me that… is so… I dunno. And they’re always saying, you know, that I’m _special_ and…” she trailed off.

“Paula, you _are_ special,” Jeff put in. 

“Jeff,” she sighed. “Please… don’t.” 

“Sorry,” he said nervously.

“No, it’s okay, it’s just…” she groaned and leaned her head back, the light from the street lamps outside illuminating her hair, silver and shiny in the distorted colors. “It’s all the time, it’s constant. ‘Paula’s special, she’s special, she’s got powers, she looks weird when she uses them’ and— maybe that’s what it is, it’s just a nice way to say I’m weird, isn’t it? Isn’t it though?” she was angry now, her frustration biting through the air. PSI morphed her voice, layering it, as she went on, “I’m not _stupid_ , you know, and everybody talks about me like I’m not in the room or like I’m, I’m some circus animal and they want to see me do my _tricks_ , and I’m sick of it, I’m so sick of it!” Her eyes glowed softly in the dark and her hair flew up for a moment— but then they dimmed and her hair fell back down. She took a deep breath and tucked her hair behind her ears. Ness could feel her embarrassment, sizzling through her and the rest of them. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Ness murmured, and Poo and Jeff made sounds of agreement.

 She took another deep breath to calm herself. She was speaking softly now, her words measured. “And my parents— they think I can’t feel when they’re afraid when they see me use my PSI, they think I can’t… taste it in the room.” she hesitated for a moment, then went on, “And I just feel like, they’ll never know what this feels like. They’ll never know that. And I know that they’re proud of me, I know that, I do. But for what? Just for, for, for being born with something that I didn’t ask for, that I didn’t do any work for, I mean—? I just feel like… maybe they just love me because… I’m _special_ , and not because…” she trailed off, resting her chin in her hands.

“And not because you’re Paula,” Ness completed, because he could feel her thinking it.

She just nodded thoughtfully and fiddled with the bow on her teddy bear. She shook her head. “I’m sorry for complaining. I know I’m lucky. My parents love me. I know I’m lucky. I shouldn’t complain. I’m sorry.” Everybody could feel her glance at Jeff, but nobody acknowledged it.

“If you feel that something is wrong, then something is wrong,” Poo stated simply. “If you feel that way, it _is_ for a reason. Everyone is allowed to have problems.”

Ness and Jeff nodded.

Paula nodded. “Thank you.”

Poo just shrugged.

Paula sighed, then grinned slightly and added, “I guess that’s why I like being with y’all so much-! Because, you know… you know how it is, to be… you know.” she hesitated, then added with a laugh, “Well, except you, Jeff. But you listen. And you don’t freak out over it all the time. Thank you for that, by the way.” Jeff shrugged and scratched the back of his neck. She nodded and tucked her hair behind her ears. “Sometimes it feels like… I don’t even know how I could go home after being with y'all for so long. How am I going to be able to go back to that? When I’m with y’all, I just feel like… a person… I’m so sick of being the center of attention, it doesn’t feel good after a while, it feels like I’m doing something wrong, and…” she started to cry, but quickly wiped her eyes. Poo and Jeff climbed into bed with Paula and Ness. “Sorry for crying,” she hiccuped.

“Don’t cry, Paula, don’t cry! We’ll visit you,” Ness said, sitting up in bed. He took one of her hands in his, rubbing his thumb across her hard, pointy knuckles. “Dude! We’ll visit you all the time! I can _walk_ to Twoson, Paula. Poo can teleport! And Jeff can… build something… and fly it… to Twoson… or something.”

“Or take several trains, or a plane,” Jeff laughed. “Like a person.”

“We’re gonna come see you after this,” Ness insisted, squeezing her hand. “You can come to my house! You can talk to my mom about being psychic and a girl! She would love that, she loves you!”

She grinned and wiped her face. “Okay, Ness.”

“I would say that you could come to Snow Wood, but if you want an escape from being the center of attention, being a girl on a boy’s school campus may not be the best course of action,” Jeff added with a laugh, lisping because of his headgear. “The only girls some of those fellas get to see are their sisters on parent day.”

“No, maybe not,” she gave a watery laugh. 

“You should come to Dalaam,” Poo said, patting her back. “You can be a royal visitor. We will have a parade.”

“I said I didn’t want people to make me the center of attention all the time, Poo,” she laughed. Jeff handed her a tissue and she blew her nose.

“They won’t. In Dalaam, I am the center of attention,” they responded loftily, quirking their eyebrow and placing one hand on their chest. “You will feel very overshadowed. You might appreciate that.”

She giggled and punched him on the shoulder. “You’re spoilt rotten, Poo.”

Poo just smiled for a moment, then quietly rested his cheek against her shoulder. She patted his knee and leaned her head on theirs, still sniffling softly but no longer crying.

Ness pulled her into a hug. She was so lanky but she was still soft to hug, and so warm. He rested his head on her other shoulder. “We love you so much, Paula.”

“I know,” she sighed. “That’s the _problem_.”

“We’re gonna keep on loving you! We’ll be there!”

“Promise?”

They all promised. Poo and Jeff piled on to the hug. They sat like that for a few minutes. Ness could smell the sunscreen on Paula’s skin, the coconut oil in Poo’s hair, Jeff’s toothpaste. Ness closed his eyes and tried to memorize the hug, the feeling of Paula’s hair against his forehead, Jeff’s headgear poking into his arm, Poo’s heavy hand on his back. 

After a little while, Paula said with a giggle, “Okay, y’all, let me up, I gotta wash my face and y’all’re hurting my back like this.”

They let her go and she walked to the bathroom. Ness watched her wash her face in the sink and thought about how pretty she was, so tall and elegant and flushed in the face from crying. He had wanted to hug her forever.

**You like her,** Poo’s voice remarked in his head, low and soft and sweet like melted chocolate, rolling with thunder like it always did in Ness’ head. Ness’s face scorched with blush and he looked over at them, but they gave no intimation that they were speaking to him, looking straight ahead. A halo glowed softly around their head but other than that there was no way to tell. **Don’t you?**

**I don’t know what you’re talking about,** Ness responded. He nervously fiddled with the buttons on his pajamas.

**Yes you do. You like her. You like Paula.**

**Poo, please!**

Jeff looked between them and his face twisted in indignation. “Hey!” he hissed. “If you two are going to talk in your heads you have to let me in on it!”

The halo around Poo’s head evaporated. “We’re done,” Poo whispered simply with a shrug. Ness sighed and put his face in his hands.

Jeff just sputtered like an angry cat.

“I’ll fill you in later, don’t worry,” Poo chuckled, shaking their head.

Ness just looked at his sock feet and blushed and sizzled with embarrassment. He had to stop like-liking Paula. She was his _friend._

Paula rejoined them on the bed, wedging herself between Ness and Poo. Ness blushed from the contact but said nothing. She hugged her teddy bear to her chest, took a deep breath, and let it out. “We can go to bed now, if y’all are tired.”

Ness shrugged and leaned against the headboard, looking at Paula’s bony, sharp knee where it touched his meaty, soft leg.

“I’m awake now,” Poo said, crossing his thick arms.

Jeff yawned but nodded.

“Okay,” Paula said softly, resting her cheek on top of her teddy bear. 

They were comfortably quiet for a moment. Outside, traffic hummed and the ocean crashed and splashed in the distance. The box fan buzzed. Ness had always been a person who needed to fill silence, but he didn’t feel that way with them. He let the quiet happen and counted the freckles on Paula’s arm, blue in the moonlight. Jeff got up from the bed and grabbed his pillow, turned the box fan to face them, and then laid on his stomach with the pillow tucked under his chin.

Abruptly, Poo spoke. “I feel similarly about home. I miss it and at the same time I do not miss it at all. It is… complicated.” Ness looked over at them, surprised. They seemed uncomfortable, reverting to formal speech and body language that they hadn’t used with Ness, Paula, and Jeff in a while. This was a Poo Ness hadn’t seen in some time. They were sitting up stiffly, completely and utterly still, their chin in the air and their hands folded in their lap. Poo always had good posture, but not like this. Every muscle in their body was clenched, Ness could see it. For a few minutes they didn’t say anything else, even though Ness could feel that they wanted to.

Jeff gently prodded them with an elbow. “Go on, Poo. It’s okay.”

“Please,” Paula added.

Poo took a deep breath and let it out through their nose. Soothing their nerves, Ness thought. They were trying to open up, Ness could feel it, trying painfully hard. Ness could feel their restraint, too.

“Poo, it’s okay,” Ness contributed, sitting forward and touching Poo’s knee. When Poo didn’t say anything, Ness prompted, the way his mom would have, “What do you feel when you’re home, Poo?”

“Being home makes me feel…” Poo trailed off and cleared their throat, as if struggling with their words. They were still sitting up straight and still. They hadn’t moved a muscle. Ness didn’t know a person could sit so still.

Paula rubbed their back. “Relax, Poo. Relax. It’s okay.”

Jeff moved closer and patted on them.

“You don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to,” Ness said, shaking his head and rubbing Poo’s arm. “Don’t feel like anyone is making you. Take a deep breath, okay?”

Poo didn’t say anything. They bit their lip, but that was the only movement they made. They were so stiff and so still, like a statue or a pool of water on a windless day. Ness was so used to seeing Poo active, physical, always putting their hands on their hips and throwing back their head to laugh, picking up the other three with one arm and throwing them over his shoulder, twisting their face in derision or coolly dropping their eyelids and curling their lip, walking with a strut and bouncing on the balls of their feet while they waited for their turn in battle. Sure, Ness had seen Poo sit very still while they meditated, but even that was a different kind of still. That was a soft still, where Poo’s chest would evenly rise and fall and the halo around their head would dance like the northern lights they had seen in Winters. Now Ness could barely even see their chest rise and fall.It was strange to see them like this, almost scary.

“Please relax, Poo, it’s okay,” Jeff pleaded. “It’s okay. Please.”

“Please relax,” Paula echoed, still rubbing their back.

Ness heard himself say, “Please, you’re scaring us.”

And just like that, Poo relaxed. Their dark eyes got very large and they looked over at Ness. “I’m sorry,” they said quickly, almost frantically, glancing at Jeff and Paula, too. “I don’t mean to scare you. It’s just that this is…” they cleared their throat and shrank into themselves, perfect posture broken, and ran their hand over the shaved part of their head. “…very hard for me.”

“That’s okay,” Ness said. “You don’t have to.”

“No, I want to, I want to be able to open up to you guys. I should be able to do that,” Poo said with a sigh. They put their face in their hands and took a deep breath, then blurted, “When I’m home, it’s just… a lot, _a lot_ of pressure to be, I don’t know. To be good. At everything. And to always be… right. And… I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to be perfect, Poo,” Paula mumbled, still rubbing his back.

“Don’t I, though?” he asked, sitting up and crossing his arms. “My advisors hardly take me seriously as it is. I’m so young. I can’t wait to be older. They still think of me as  a little child who only wanted to go out and play with the girls in the village and, and, and I’m supposed to be an adult now.” They sighed and put their forehead in their hand. “But I’m not. I don’t work hard enough. I’m not focused enough.”

Ness stared, thinking of the vision he'd had of Poo before he met them in person, of his Mu training, and nearly shuddered. It was an experience he tried to push from his mind most of the time. “Poo, I was there when you finished your Mu training,” he said quietly. Poo looked up from their lap, like they had forgotten that Ness had been there. “You are… very… _focused_.”

Poo leaned back on their hands. “I know it seemed extreme to you. It is not so extreme as it may seem.”

Ness just looked at him. Poo scratched the back of their neck.

“I think… you’re under a lot of pressure. And some of that is you, you know. You’ve gotta let up on yourself,” Jeff said, propping his chin in his hands.

Poo chuckled and shook their head. “I’ve-“

“Said the same thing to me, I know, but you should… you know… take your own advice, maybe.”

Poo just sighed and rested his head in his hands. “Yes. Yes, that’s a good point.” he paused for a moment, then added, “I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing most of the time, so I just pretend because I’m too afraid to ask.” 

“Well, you do a good job pretending, if that’s any comfort,” Paula contributed. “You seem royal enough to me.”

“It’s okay to ask for help, Poo,” Jeff murmured.

“Paula, I think that’s why I got so frustrated when I lost this morning,” Poo admitted, sounding truly embarrassed now. He rested his hand on Paula’s knee. “I don’t know how to lose. I was afraid you might… think less of me because you defeated me.”

“Poo!” she exclaimed. “Gosh, not at all! I’m sorry I can be… a little competitive.”

“A little,” Jeff snorted.

Paula wrinkled her nose at Jeff but turned back to Poo, going on, taking him by the shoulders and squeezing them tight, “But I would never think less of you! We’re equals and teammates, Poo, you know that!”

“I know that, I know that,” Poo said hurriedly with a nervous laugh. “I- I’m sorry. I just get so worried about— I don’t know. I don’t like looking—! I don’t know. I just… need to be…” Poo shook their head. “There’s a lot of pressure to be…”

“Perfect?” Paula completed.

He shrugged. “At least passable. And a lot of the time I feel like I’m not, like I’m just… fumbling around in the dark.” They paused for a long time, then added in a soft, low voice, “I dunno. My abbu— my father… should have lived longer. I should have had… more… more time. If he were still alive, I’d know what to do, you know? But I don’t. And he isn’t.” he tucked his hands between his knees and leaned forward, looking squarely down. “I don’t remember my mother. She died having me. So I don’t miss her as much. Because I never knew her anyway. But my father…” he broke off, paused, and then said in an even softer voice, almost a whisper, “I didn’t cry at the funeral. Because I was afraid the people of Dalaam would see me as weak.” they hesitated, looked down at their hands. “I don’t think I ever got to cry about it.” 

Poo kept looking at their hands, and Ness ached for them. For a moment Ness got flashes of a funeral pyre, of the heat of the fire on his face, his throat felt sore and tight and rough, the weight of heavy jewelry on his head, neck, wrists, and ears— but as quickly as it came, it vanished. Ness blinked and felt his neck, glanced at Paula, who didn’t seem to react at all, still looking at Poo, rubbing his shoulders. Ness looked across at Jeff, who had sat up suddenly, his eyes wide. So Ness hadn’t been the only one to see it. 

Poo sat up again. “But I can’t change the past. I have to focus on what I can do now. And, and I have to do more.” they shook their head, ran their fingers over their braid. “Sometimes I feel like it can never be enough. At home it’s all very…” they chopped their right hand on their left. “Training, meetings, training, governing, parades, meetings, training… All day, I’m…” they trailed off, then looked around at the others. “I forgot what it felt like to not be like that.”

“It doesn’t have to be like that!” Ness insisted, squeezing their knee. “You’re thirteen, Poo, you should get to be thirteen.”

Poo just shrugged. “I suppose. I do _like_ being busy. But… it… can be overwhelming, and, and stressful.” they sighed and put their face in their hands again, groaning. “It’s just so much. It’s all so much.” Poo sat up straight again and took a deep breath, let it out through their nose.

They were all quiet for a few moments. Ness watched Poo crack their knuckles. Their hands were strong and scarred and callused. How could they possibly think they didn’t work hard enough? They were the hardest working person Ness had probably ever met. Ness was determined, sure, but not like Poo. Poo was _responsible_ and _mature_ , two words Ness wasn’t sure he would use to describe himself. Ness couldn’t imagine the kind of stress they must be under at home. They were serious enough now, with other kids. They couldn’t imagine what they were like with adults.

Ness tried to think of what his mother would say in this situation.

“Poo,” Ness said, sitting forward, “You know what my mom always says to me?” 

“What?” Poo asked, resting their chin in their hand.

“How do you eat an elephant?” Ness asked. When Poo just looked at them blankly, Ness added, “C’mon, say ‘how’!”

“Hopefully you don’t at all,” Poo responded, wrinkling their nose. “Elephants are a symbol of wisdom and royal power.”

“C’mon, dude, c’mon, just say ‘how’,” Ness said, punching them on the arm.

“How _does_ one eat an elephant, Ness? If they were to do such a thing.”

“One bite at a time,” Ness answered. When Poo just looked at them skeptically, Ness went on, “My mom always says that, it means that, that you can only do what you can do today. You gotta do everything one bite at a time. You can only be the person you are, you know. So you just take a bite out of it every day and then you just… you know, do your best.” Ness shrugged. “You can’t think about the whole elephant.”

Poo nodded, looked down at their hands. Ness could see them turning it over. “Yes. Thank you.”

“Does that… help?” Ness added weakly. “It helps me.”

“Yes, it does help. Thank you,” Poo responded. 

“We love you just the way you are, Poo, and, and you don’t have to be perfect with us, even, even if you still feel that way when you go home, so-!” Jeff put in abruptly, and they all turned to look at him. He blushed and added, “Just… just so you know.”

“Mushy-gushy. I should push you off the bed!” Poo laughed, but Ness could feel that he was breathlessly happy to hear someone say it and very flattered and kind of embarrassed.

“Don’t!” Jeff exclaimed. When Poo made a move to do it anyway, he yelped and scampered to the other side of the bed, hiding behind Ness and Paula.

Poo crinkled up his nose, leaning toward Jeff. “I’ll do it when you’re least expecting it.”

“You are so mean,” Jeff responded, shoving his face between Ness and Paula’s shoulders, his headgear poking into Ness’ arm. “I didn’t think you would be this mean when I met you.”

Poo just made a _pfft_ noise and chuckled, waving his hand.

They lapsed into silence again. Jeff wedged himself between Ness and Paula, much to Ness’ chagrin. Paula giggled and scooted away to give him room, then yawned and laid down, stretching out her long legs and resting her head in Poo’s lap. Ness watched, quietly jealous. He met eyes with Poo for a moment. Poo winked, smirking, and Ness blushed and looked away. He was gonna get them for that later. He was, like, _totally_ gonna get them for that later.

Jeff rested his head on Ness’ shoulder and yawned, and Ness thought this should all be reversed, but he shook the thought away.

Poo stretched and rubbed their eyes, then clapped their hands together and said, “Well! Jeff. It’s your turn to share, isn’t it?”

Jeff turned bright red, purple in the moonlight. “What?” 

“I shared, Paula shared. Your turn.”

Ness felt Jeff fidget, opening and closing his hands, anxiety crackling in the atmosphere between them. Out of habit, Ness patted Jeff’s knee. “I- I dunno. I dunno.”

“Are you sure you’re done, Poo? You don’t have to be,” Paula said, looking up at them from their lap and folding her hands on her chest.

Poo shook their head. “I’m sure there’s more, but I’ve done all I can do tonight, I’m out of… feelings. I am,” they glanced up at Ness, “eating the elephant one bite at a time, as they say.” Poo looked back at Jeff and motioned to him. “It’s Jeff’s turn to share now.”

“Wh— me?” Jeff kept opening and closing his hands. Ness watched him do it and realized he had never noticed Jeff doing that before, transfixed by the repetitive motion. Suddenly Poo’s large hand enveloped both of Jeff’s, stilling them in his lap. “I don’t have anything to say, I—I really don’t. Let’s just go to bed.”

Ness nudged Jeff with the top of his head. “C’mon. Yeah you do, dude.”

“Please, Jeff,” Paula said quietly. 

“You can talk to us,” Poo added.

Ness, Paula, and Poo looked at each other and were all thinking the same thing. Jeff had never talked about his dad with them. He always became very quiet, awkward, and strange before they had to go see Dr. Andonuts, and then afterwards he withdrew into himself and was quiet and moody for the rest of the day— but nobody ever said anything about it. Whenever Dr. Andonuts came up in conversation Jeff talked about him like a person might talk about a very distant relative and then changed the subject. They had never approached the subject fully with him— it seemed too tender, too fresh to talk about directly. So instead Poo and Paula and Ness just waited until Jeff was out of the room and talked about Dr. Andonuts amongst themselves. It had started after Ness and Paula had first met Jeff’s dad— after hours of sitting in pained silence at his desk, brooding and clearly hurting, Jeff had stepped out to get a snack, and as soon as the door shut behind him, Paula had thrown herself onto the bed and hissed, “ _Ness, mark my words, I am going to kill that man, I really am._ ”

Jeff looked at Ness, looked at the others, and then said in a very small voice, staring down at the comforter, “Guys… I don’t wanna… talk about my dad.”

“You don’t have to,” Poo said quickly. They all exhaled.

“Yeah, just tell us about… Snow Wood,” Paula added. “What do you miss about Snow Wood?”

Jeff took a deep breath that whistled in his headgear. “I miss snow,” he lisped, and blushed. “You know what, I’m taking this thing off, my orthodontist will freak but I don’t care.” The others chuckled. He dislodged his headgear and set it on the bedside table with a sigh, massaging his jaw. “I miss snow,” he repeated. “I miss… the way that the, the lunch hall smells when we have cinnamon rolls for breakfast. I, I, I miss sledding. I miss… homework.” He laughed and put his face in his hands. The others laughed with him. He looked up, straightening his glasses. “I, I can’t believe I miss homework, but I do. I miss Maxwell and some of the other boys. Some of them I don’t miss so much, but I miss a few. I miss my professors. And… I miss…” he put his face back in his hands and scrunched up his shoulders. “… Tony.”

The others yelled “TONY!” back at him and Jeff put his head against his knees, rolling up like a roly-poly. Ness tugged on his shirt and shook him around and Poo clapped and Paula cupped her hands around her mouth and cheered. 

Jeff just groaned and fell over onto his side, burying his face in the comforter. “Stop please.”

“You like him, you like him, you really, really like him,” Ness said in a sing-song voice, clapping his hands together. 

“Stop, oh my god, stop,” Jeff whined, but he was laughing. He uncovered his face. “Tony is my best friend, I am not… _attracted to him_.”

“Come on, come on!” Ness exclaimed, shaking Jeff and shouting at him. “Wake up and smell the roses, Jeff, you like-like him!”

“You talk about him all the time,” Paula added with a laugh.

“No, I don’t,” Jeff said, hiding his face again. 

“‘Tony has this blue sweater with green stripes that used to be his father’s, he wears it when we pull all-nighters, I would love to have a big sweater like that,’ ‘I wonder if Tony picked up my textbooks for me, I wish he could mail them to me so I could get a head start before classes start in the fall,’” Poo recited, turning completely into Jeff, pushing his little fake glasses up his nose and putting one ankle on his other knee, tiny in his Poo-sized pajamas. He rocked back and forth anxiously and scratched the back of his neck, an impeccable impersonation. Ness and Paula roared with laughter and Jeff sprung up in bed, yelping. “‘You have really long eyelashes, Poo, but Tony has the longest eyelashes in the world, I swear, and—‘“

“Stop, stop, stop it!!” Jeff exclaimed, reaching across and putting his hands on the other Jeff’s mouth. Poo morphed back into themselves and laughed, pitching their head back. “And I told you the last one in confidence, Poo!”

“It’s okay, Jeff, it’s okay!” Poo exclaimed in response, still snorting, prying off Jeff’s hands. “It’s okay! It’s okay for you to like him! We tease you because we’re happy for you, really, _really_ , Jeff!”

Jeff sat back and put his face in his hands for a moment. The others quieted down, but the silence was intense and suspenseful and excited and Ness thought he was going to come out of his skin. Jeff took a deep breath, let it out, and then mumbled, his voice muffled in his hands, “Yeah, I like him.”

The other kids erupted into cheers and laughter and tackled him onto the bed. For a few minutes they just rolled around and shouted, a tangle of arms and legs and pajamas. When they finally quieted down they laid in a pile, breathless and giggling. Ness closed his eyes and felt the pile on top of him, the pressure of Paula and Poo’s bodies, and thought he could die there, he was so happy. This might be the happiest he had ever been, he thought. This was the perfect, _perfect_ moment. He barely even noticed how much his muscles ached.

“I knew it,” Ness said.

Paula just laughed.

“Me too,” Poo mumbled.

“Yeah, because I told you,” Jeff replied, his voice strained as he was at the bottom of the pile.

“What?” Ness exclaimed, sitting up and emitting an “oof” from Jeff.

“Get off, everyone get off,” Jeff hissed, and they untangled themselves from each other.

Poo shrugged. “I keep secrets. That’s a thing I do.”

“You two whisper all the time,” Jeff added, motioning between Ness and Paula. “Don’t think we don’t notice.”

Paula laughed, brushing her hair over her shoulder and settling against the headboard, stretching her long legs across Ness’ lap. “We do not either.”

Ness’ face grew hot and he quickly said, “Hey! Don’t try to change the subject, Jeff.”

“What else do you miss about Snow Wood?” Paula asked, poking him with her heel. He made a face and pushed her foot away. “Besides your beau.”

“He isn’t my… _beau_. Also it isn’t 1862, Paula. I don’t think he even…” Jeff’s face flushed. Ness could feel his hesitation as he fumbled with his words, interrupted himself. He shrunk into himself, tiny next to Poo. “I’m not sure that he is… like that.”

“It’s okay to say gay in front of us, dude,” Ness put in with a laugh.

“I don’t think he is… gay.” Jeff licked his lips and looked down at his feet. “Which I am. Gay, that is. I’m gay.” he laughed and put his face in his hands. “Sorry. I’m just— I’ve never said The Thing… out loud. In front of people.”

Ness smiled hugely. He could feel how giddy and nervous Jeff was, it popped in the air like pop rocks and was absolutely infectious. He couldn’t help but smile. He glanced at Paula and could tell she felt it, too, she was grinning so hard.

“You said it to me,” Poo remarked.

Jeff shook his head. “In my head. I’ve never said it… you know. In front of people. With my… mouth.”

Ness nudged him. “We’re proud of you.”

Paula yawned and nodded.

Ness watched Jeff blush and brush his hair out of his eyes and grin, his eyes tired and his face flushed, and when Paula opened her mouth to ask him if he was sure he didn’t want to talk about his dad, Ness laid his hand on his arm and stopped her. They could have that talk another night, but this night was for celebrating— and besides, it was like everyone was suddenly remembering how tired they were. Ness could feel his eyes drooping. Poo yawned and laid down on his stomach.

So they didn’t talk about Jeff’s dad, which was fine because Snow Wood and Tony were more like home to Jeff than his father and Ness knew that. Instead, Ness picked up his backpack and they ate cookies in bed and congratulated Jeff on saying The Thing out loud and curled up together and, after long, long talks about the color of Tony’s eyes and the size and shape of his hands and how and when Jeff had figured all of this out, one by one they fell asleep cuddled up together. Poo was the first to go, curled up with their arm across Jeff’s chest. Then it was Jeff, who fell asleep nearly mid-sentence and forgot to take off his glasses. Ness took them off for him. Then Paula.

Just as she was about to doze off, one of her legs on top of Ness’, she mumbled, “Hey. Thank you.” 

He paused, then asked her what for, but she was asleep by then. So instead he just cuddled up close to her and watched the ceiling fan go around and around. Just before he fell asleep, Ness felt the absolute peace of the room, swaddling him and hugging him like a warm blanket just out of the dryer, and just for a slim second, he wasn’t homesick at all.


End file.
